Alone Without You
by shooplaboop
Summary: A collection of some of Jane and Clementine's conversations while traveling south with Alvin Junior. Clem's POV. Rated T for language and violence. Might continue, I dunno


AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hey guys. I've been on hiatus for a while, huh? Sorry about Highschoolstuck… I think I'm gonna ditch that. Honestly the story wasn't really going anywhere and I just don't have many ideas for it anymore. So, here's a little TWDG! Sorry if it's not what you were hoping for.

"Lee?" I call out. Where is he?

I'm sitting in the RV, groggy and tired. There's no one around, and I just woke up, but I can't remember falling asleep. Slowly, I stand, checking the bathroom and the front seats. No Ben, no Lee, no Kenny, Katjaa, Duck… What the heck is going on? There's no way they could have left me. Right?

As I make my way to the door, I stumble, white lights flashing across my vision. I turn and see Carley and Lily arguing through the window. Suddenly, Lily lifts her gun, and shoots. Carley falls. Lee rams Lily against the RV, and I'm crying now. I don't understand why everyone's hurting each other. I throw the door open, stopping in my tracks as I see walkers surrounding the RV, gun shots sounding all around me. It's terrifying. I can't find Lee. He disappeared. I need Lee.

I turn towards the motel, realizing it is behind me. I want to run towards it, since maybe Lee is inside, but a walker comes at me from my right. It grabs ahold of the blue sleeve of my jacket, which is weird, because I don't remember wearing this while inside the RV. I faintly remember a woman giving it to me, but I can't remember who and I don't have much time to dwell on it. I kick the walker's stomach, knocking it back and away from me, but he grabs my ankle and I fall. I yank my leg free, pulling it back to kick the monster in the skull. I need to take out its brain if I want it dead.

But then I hear screaming to my left, and turn my head to see Duck with walkers all over him. They're going to bite him. They're going to bite him and he might have been my friend. He's the only other kid with our group. I want him to live. I want them all to live.

As the walkers sink their teeth into the boy, I imagine – no, _hear _Katjaa cry out, I imagine her pointing a gun to her head, but then the walker that I was going to smash in pins me down, and I realize it's Lee – the walker is Lee. But I shot him. I killed you, Lee. You're dead. I shot you. I shot you, Lee. You told me to shoot you.

He moves in towards my neck, bloody and decomposing mouth wide open, and I scream.

"_Clementine! _Clementine, it's okay. Wake up, you're fine. Shh. Shhh."

I open my eyes to see Jane leaning over me, and I hear the baby sniffling in her lap. She picks up Alvin Jr. and rocks him back and forth, calming him down before he can throw a fit and give us away. We're in the shed we decided to hide out in the night before. Everything with Lee and Duck? It was a dream, thank God. Holy shit, that one was worse than how they normally are.

"Sorry, Jane." I whisper, sitting up, wiping tears off my face. I must have been crying pretty bad. My back doesn't even hurt from sleeping on the hard cement of the shed - I got used to that a long time ago. The cold still bothers me, though.

Jane had looked a little annoyed at first, the look she gets when she's worried something somebody did might be a problem for us, but her gaze softens when I apologize. "Oh, I'm fine," she teases, "You should apologize to Alvin Junior.

I smile, whispering, "Sorry, Alvin Junior."

After a bit of silence, Alvin falls asleep again. Jane looks at me, nervous, but concerned. It's like she's worried about me, but she doesn't want to ask about it and know too much of the details. Like she's worried she would intrude. But honestly? All this hesitating she does is silly, it doesn't really bother me if she wants to talk about my past or anything. She's all I've got left to talk to, other than Alvin Junior. Since Kenny isn't around, I…

No. I don't want to think about him. It's too soon, and with Jane sitting here in the room with me, thinking about him makes things a little uncomfortable.

Jane must get over her hesitation, because she does ask me something. "Who are you always dreaming about? I get it – I have nightmares too, but – I mean, is it more than one guy? I've, um, heard about Lee, but…"

Expressing concern for me seems to be weird for her for some reason. She seems to be really unsure if what she's saying is okay to say. She must still not be used to being around other people, and actually, you know, having relationships with them.

"Well… They're about a lot of people, actually." I say, biting my lips and looking up at the ceiling. "They mostly involve the same things happening, but the nightmares change a lot. Mostly, they're about Lee and sometimes Luke and what happened with Carver." Jane shifts uncomfortably, so I quickly move on from the subject. "And, like this time, they can be about my old group. There was another kid my age, Kenny's s– " I cut off, hating how my voice cracks. Maybe I'm not so comfortable with talking about my past. But, I still push on.  
>"Lee… He took care of me. He was with me for so long. He cared about me and protected me, and so did so many other people. I've met so many wonderful people throughout all of this. But I watched all of them die. We would just… Meet someone, and watch them die. We'd lose them. Over and over. And now it's just me, and I'm <em>so <em>lost, but I just… I just keep going. I have to. For them. This is all for everyone who didn't make it. For me failing some of them, loosing them, for me leaving some of them behind… And they remind me every night."

I'm not sure how I say all of this without crying. I'm not sure I even say it, it just spills out. All my thoughts about everyone over the years, I babble them all out to Jane.

Apparently, I did say it, because Jane's eyes widen and she looks away.

"Damn, Clementine… I'm sorry."

We're quiet for a while, listening to the crickets outside. Jane must be deep in thought, but my mind is blank. I can't believe I just told her all of that.

"But we're tough."

"Huh?" I look up, confused at her sudden comment.

"We're tough, Clem. Me, you, Alvin Jr. And we're smart. We'll make it. And if we don't… it won't be your fault. Things are going to happen, and maybe we'll all fuck up, but it won't be your fault. You gotta know that, Clem."

I blink in surprise. I didn't expect her to say that. She says it like I feel responsible for everything that's happened. I'm confused, but then I realize… It's true. I do feel responsible for everyone that has died. And the fact that Jane wants to reassure me that I shouldn't or won't have to this time around makes me want to cry. I was so useless. I've been trying to change that, but it hasn't really worked. I could only keep the two of them alive, and there were so many others. I failed them. All of them.

"Thanks, Jane." I whisper, laying back down on my side to sleep.

I appreciate what Jane said. She's so kind to say that to me.

"No problem, Clem." She says, and I hear her shift to rest her head against the wall, Alvin Junior in her arms.

But I don't believe her.


End file.
